Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. Oh god, they are crying. They weren't able able to complete the assignment because their great-grandmother died of a brain tumor, and she lived in Antarctica, so they had to travel and miss class and turn in a sloppy, late assignment.
So, I may have been called Spock more than once in my life. Emotions scare me. Well, let me rephrase that. Tears scare me. I never know what to do when a student cries. Furthermore, I am often suspicious of tears. Are they real? Are they an appeal to pity? If they are real, should I hug the crier? Give them an extension on an assignment? Is hugging too personal for a teacher-student relationship? Pat their back? Awkward.
Typically, I end up standing there with a semi-scrunched face, listening. When they are silent, I say something cliched, 'I'm sorry to hear that," then I cross my fingers and hope that they don't suggest some type of specialized, biased sympathy.
I believe in fairness and consistency. If I give one student extra time, I think I should give every student extra time, so how do I deal with emotional pleas? Advice?
I cried once in a class because I had really bad insomnia at the time and I was just so terribly tired. We happened to be in the library that day. My professor—who I knew quite well—told me to leave and get some sleep. That still strikes me as an incredibly kind response, though of course we already had a good relationship. I think students appreciate fairness and consistency, though maybe it doesn't have to be measured in time, but in giving the story or the moment fair hearing? Gauging what is reasonable in the situation and responding accordingly. For instance, my mentor had two students who were out for a number of days due to illnesses this semester. One student communicated with my mentor regularly about why she was absent, and was prepared for class when she could make it. The other student never contacted anyone about her illness until she turned up for class one day, and she didn't turn in one of the papers, either. I guess the same criteria could apply to emotional situations—what is the backstory behind the moment?
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't in reference to one back story, rather several stories. Several times I have had students cry to me, and usually the tearful experiences coincide with an essay due date, which makes me suspicious. However, I have had two or three students break down for personal reasons; I believe they chose to confide in me because of our good relationship. The problem is, I'm good at laughing and connecting with students, helping them struggle through writers block, or something similar; however, I don't know how to react to tears; I sort of freeze up.
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